What in the Name of Merlin?
by Harry Potterfan girl22
Summary: Two witty sisters tell the untold events they've encountered at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry...Another fun, not-to-be-taken seriously story that will hopefully make you say "What in the name of Merlin!".
1. Introduction

_Well, this is a totally random, hilarious story I thought of while reading some fanfiction! There will be some (a lot of) moments when you question my sanity. But I assure, I am completely sane...most of the time. I hope you enjoy reading this silly story, "What in the Name of Merlin"!_

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><p>Dear Reader,<p>

The story of _Harry Potter _is known all over the globe. Everyone knows how his parents were brutally murdered, how he got the scar, and how he stopped the darkest wizard of all time. But what very few don't know is that we were actually apart of the story. Joanna Kathleen Rowling must have…_forgotten _to mention us in the books (We _will _have a chat with her, mind you).

We've had wild adventures with everyone at Hogwarts, including Harry Potter, Ron Weasley, and Hermione Granger. Of them are frightening stories that will put you on the edge of your seats, and others will by funny stories that will make you _fall_ out of your seats!

We think it is incredibly unfair that loveable and fantastic people like us were not put in the story, whereas Ernie Macmillan was included in the book franchise when he was hardly part of the story. (Sorry, Ernie. We have great respect for you. We're just trying to prove a point.)

What you are about to read are our favorite untold events we've encountered at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry.

Your friends,

Allyson Sophie Devon Weasley  
>Stephanie Natalie Elizabeth Weasley<p>

P.S. Ernie, we're terribly sorry we haven't replied to your last letter. We came home to the kitchen table on fire, and that's where the letter was last. George seemed awfully suspicious…we'll get to the bottom of it.


	2. Allyson's letter

Dear Reader,

Now, we know you came here to read the stories that were taken out of _Harry Potter_. And we will get to that as soon as we can. But we figured that you'd also want to know a little about us. And if you don't, suck it up and deal with it because we're going to anyway.

Okay, so…here we go. Allyson will go first.

Hey, there! As it so conveniently states above, my name is Allyson Sophie Devon Weasley, formerly Henry. My full name is just way too long, so I just go by Allyson.

First thing you should know about me is that I am very level-headed…most days. If you really make me mad, I'm not afraid to blow my top. And I have done that before, in more ways than one.

I am genuinely very sweet and quite. I try not to draw attention to myself because I get very shy when in the spotlight. You should have seen me at the sorting ceremony! It was…well, I'll save that story for another time!

I love to read and write in my spare time. In fact, most of the stories you will read have been typed up by me.

I have a tragic back story…which I will not tell you, because frankly, I can't stand back stories. It makes me feel like a super villain monologuing. But I will tell you that I am not Stephanie's blood sister. I was adopted by her family when I was seven. Why? I killed my mother…JOKING! Stop taking things so seriously, guys! But really, I was adopted.

As you probably could have guessed, I am very funny person. But my sense of humor is different, so watch what you say around me.

I am clean-cut. No piercings (except for one in each ear), no tattoos (unless you count a fake unicorn one a tattoo), and I remained pure until I was married to Fred Weasley. And no, Fred Gideon Weasley did NOT die. How Joanna managed to screw that up, I'll never know.

I hate dirty words too, which is saying something because I love all kinds of words! I use them all the time! But I draw a line at words like slut and whore.

Those will be the ONLY times I say or type those despicable words. (Despicable: Deserving hatred and contempt. Aren't words fun?)

Stephanie is standing behind me, tapping her fingers impatiently. That's always been a nasty habit of her, you know. So, I think I'll let her have her turn now.

Thanks for taking time to read!

Until next time,

Allyson


	3. Stephanie's letter

Greetings earthlings,

My name is Stephanie Natalie Elizabeth Weasley. I used to be Stephanie Natalie Elizabeth Rich, but then I married George Fabian Weasley and became Stephanie Natalie Elizabeth Weasley. But you, my friends, can call me Stephanie instead of Stephanie Natalie Elizabeth Weasley. (I just LOVE saying my really long name!)

There really isn't much you need to know about me. I mean, I'm not going to bore you to death with the description of myself. But what I should tell you is that I don't want to be doing this. I love the idea of us bringing the truth out, but I don't want to be the one typing. I _begged _Allyson to do it for me but, being the stubborn person she is, refused. So I have to do it myself.

So I guess I'll start by telling you that I am fun, crazy, and really immature. I'm not afraid to admit it, either. Despite the fact I am a full grown woman; I am a kid at heart and always will be.

As a kid, I usually watched movies and listened to music. Now that I'm an adult…I still do that. But I'm now allowed to watch R movies, so I guess that's a change!

I was usually a quite child, but not because I was shy. I just never talked because I didn't care to speak unless I had to or wanted to.

I'm like my sister; really funny. We're always cracking jokes together and making people laugh. Sometimes our sense of humor is mean…but come on! We all have to laugh at ourselves once in a while!

I get grouchy easily and I don't like to be bothered with ridiculous questions or wait around too long. So I guess you could call me…oh, what's the word? Um…impatient! Yes, I'm impatient!

I usually don't take what people say about me too seriously. People can call me stupid, annoying or whatever they like. I'm not bothered by insults. But if you insult my friends or family…then you've got trouble!

Well, like I've said before, I wasn't thrilled about writing this nor will I spend too much time on it!

So, I hope you _greatly _enjoyed this chapter all about ME! And the next chapter will be our very first and favorite Hogwarts memory; receiving our letters.

Peace out,

Stephanie


	4. Getting our letters

_This is our very first and favorite Hogwarts memory: the day we got our acceptance letters._

It was just another Saturday morning at home. Stephanie was taking a shower, while I was in the kitchen helping our mother with breakfast. And when I say help, I mean doing the actual cooking. Let's just say that our mother isn't the BEST cook…

"Mum, when does Stephanie start school?" I asked.

"September 1st, I think." My mom replied, doing the moving word search in this morning's paper.

You see, Stephanie is a witch—No, not that kind of witch. Although she can act like a jerk, I mean an actual witch. Stephanie can perform spells, brew potions, and fly on brooms. Well, she will be able to do that stuff, anyway. Her first day at a magical boarding school, Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, is coming up in a just a week. She'll be learning how to use and control her magic. Stephanie knew for a long time that she was a witch because our mother is a witch too. I however am a muggle, meaning I don't have an ounce of magic in my blood. Yep, that's right. My heartless muggle mother threw me in an orphanage when I was 7, and I was adopted by Stephanie's mom.

I live in a house of witches who can do all sorts of amazing magic, and I'm just a boring muggle. I try not to complain, though. I hate being a bother to people so I pretend I don't mind. But I do. I mean, come on! Stephanie and I are the same age, but she'll be at a school where she'll learn how to turn a tadpole into a toad, and I'll be learning how to divide a whole number by pi.

Go figure.

"What's a seven letter word for a lifeless, depressed creature?" Mom asked from across the table.

"Allyson," I replied blankly, hoping she wouldn't hear.

She must have though, because she looked up at me with sad eyes. "Honey, I know you want to go to Hogwarts, but you know you can't because—"

"Because they only accept witches and wizards, I know." I mumbled. "Can you please pass the milk?"

My mother reached for the milk but her hand hit the table. Confused, she looked around for the milk and then frowned at me. "Allyson, its right in front of you! Honestly, you need to stop being so lazy."

"But…it wasn't a second ago." I said staring at the milk. About three seconds, it was sitting right in front of my mother, behind her newspaper and now it was sitting next to my plate of eggs. Did it really just move tree feet, or was I just imagining it?

My mom opened her mouth to respond, but a high pitched scream from upstairs drowned her out.

I jumped and my eyes widened. "What was that?"

"Stephanie, what's wrong?" Mom yelled.

"THERE'S A BIRD IN MY SHOWER!" Stephanie yelled back.

"A _what_?" I asked.

Just a second later Stephanie came stomping down the stairs with a towel around her body. Her brownish, reddish hair was wet and plastered to her face, and her big brown eyes were narrowed in anger.

"I found _thi_s in my shower!" Stephanie held her hands out and I saw a murky brown owl sitting on her palms with an envelope clamped in its beak.

I threw my head back and laughed out loud.

"It's not funny, Allyson!" Stephanie glared at me.

"Yeah, it kind of is!" I gasped through laughs.

Stephanie narrowed her eyes and ripped the letter out of the bird's mouth and tore it open.

"Who sends an owl to someone's shower, though?" I wondered aloud.

"It probably got lost." Mom suggested.

Our mail isn't delivered through a mailbox like the muggles, our mail arrives by owl.

Stephanie's furious expression turned into excitement. "It's my Hogwarts letter!" She said.

I tried to look happy for her. "Cool!"

"'Dear_ Miss Rich, we are pleased to inform you that you have been accepted at Hogwarts school of Witchcraft and Wizardry_'!" Stephanie squealed. "Finally! When does term start? …September 1st! That's in one week!"

Stephanie hugged her letter to her chest and smiled so widely that she resembled the Joker.

I didn't want to put a damper on her mood, so I decided to go upstairs. "That's great, Steph! Well, I think I'll go and make my bed…" I turned to leave and Stephanie grabbed my arm.

"Wait, there's another one."

I wheeled around and stared at the second envelope with a red seal on it. It had a lion, badger, eagle, and a snake on it. I grabbed it out of Stephanie's hand and stared at the address that was written in emerald ink.

Miss A. Rich  
>Twin bedroom<br>12 Privet Drive,  
>Little Whinging<br>Surrey

My hands were shaking. Why would Hogwarts send ME a letter? I slowly opened the letter and read, "'_Dear Miss Rich, we are pleased to inform you that you have been accepted at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry_.'"

I looked up and Stephanie's smile grew even bigger if possible. "Holy cow!" She shrieked. "We're going to Hogwarts together?

I grinned and squealed along with her. "I guess so!"

My mom laughed at the sight before her and said, "I guess you were a witch all along, Ally!" I ran and hugged her. "I'm a witch, I'm a witch!"

"You're a witch, you're a witch!" Stephanie chanted and we jumped up and down together. "We're going to Hogwarts!"

_We stayed that way for a long time, soaking up the news. I had no idea I was a witch. I hoped I was for years and years, but I never thought that one day I would randomly find out my wish came true._

_We were heading to Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry together. This would be the best year ever._

_Allyson_


	5. Diagon Alley

_**Disclaimer**: I don't own anything!  
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><p><em>This chapter is when we went to Diagon Alley in search for our school supplies. We had been there many times before, but the fact that it was for our first trip to Hogwarts made it much more special. We even met a fellow student and future friends there!<br>_

Have you ever had that incredible feeling that makes you feel like you're lighter than air? Well, I haven't. It sounds WAY too cheesy.

_But_…have you ever had the feeling that your lungs would just explode if you didn't scream out in happiness? I sure have! The time for Hogwarts was ticking nearer and nearer! Our mother told us all about it and every time we hear a story about the feasts or flying lessons, our hearts race. It sounds better and better every time!

We already had our uniforms and equipment so our shopping was almost done; we just needed to buy our course books.

We strolled into Flourish and Blotts with our mom. We needed: _**The Standard Book of Spells (Grade 1), A History of Magic, Magical Theory, A Beginner's Guide To Transfiguration, One Thousand Magical Herbs and Fungi, Magical Drafts and Potions, Fantastic Beats and Where to Find Them, **_and _**The Dark Forces: A Guide to Self-Protection.**_

The shelves were stacked to the ceiling with large books that were bound in leather. I glanced at Allyson; she grinning ear to ear. I smiled at her and playfully rolled my eyes. She _loved _this place. Books are her absolute favorite things in the world. I don't care too much for books, myself, if I'm being honest here. I prefer to be an actual human being and be a part of life rather than burying my face in weird-smelling parchment for hours at a time.

Back on topic. We were searching for _The Standard Book of Spells_ when our mom said, "Why don't you purchase your books while I get you some ice cream?"

Nodding fervently, we replied "Alright!"

"This is going to be quite a bit of money." Allyson said, scanning our list.

"Sure as hell it will be." I said browsing the 'C' section. My finger was skimming across the books when I spotted a book called _Curses and Countercurses _by Professor Vindictus Viridian. I grinned and went to pull it out, but my finger brushed against someone else, obviously reaching for the same book. I pulled my hand away in surprise and saw a skinny boy with jet black hair and glasses. He jumped back and looked down, blushing.

"Sorry," he muttered.

"It's fine." I replied. After a moment of silence, I said, "Who is it you were thinking of cursing?"

The boy smiled a little and said, "My cousin. You?"

"No one in particular."

The boy laughed. He looked vaguely familiar…

Allyson must have read my mind. "Do we know you from somewhere?"

"Well, we live on the same street…"

"Oh, that's right! You're Harry Potter, aren't you?" Allyson said, her eyes shining with the glee of remembering.

"Yeah. And, I'm sorry, but I can't remember your names." Harry said apologetically.

_Whoa. Harry Potter, the boy who lived, is standing right in front of me. His vivid lightning bolt shaped scar was slightly visible behind his dark bangs. Now, I'm not the one to spazz out over celebrities, but this is just…strange, actually. As long as I'd lived near the boy, I never actually talked to him. And being the only witches on the street didn't exactly help the matter, did it?_

"That's alright. I'm Stephanie, and this is my sister, Allyson."

"Nice to meet you!" Allyson said a little too enthusiastically, holding out her hand.

Harry hesitated but shook it anyway. There was a hint of a smile on his face.

Just then an enormous man at least eight feet tall with a wild amount of bushy black hair approached Harry. Not knowing how to react, I took a step back.

"What do yeh got there, Harry?" The man asked. Hearing the cheeriness in his voice, I relaxed a little.

"I'm not sayin' that's not a good idea, but yer not ter use magic in the Muggle world except in very special circumstances," said the man, reading the title of the book. "An' anyway, yeh couldn' work any of them curses yet, yeh'll need a lot more study before yeh get ter that level."

Allyson cleared her throat awkwardly and attempted to back away, but the giant spotted us.

"Hello! An' who are you two?"

"Um...my name is Stephanie." I said cautiously.

"Allyson," Allyson squeaked next to me.

"Makin' frien's already, Harry?" the giant beamed at him.

"Erm—" Harry started.

"We're his neighbors." I said.

"Are yeh now? I'm Rubeus Hagrid! I do the game keeping at Hogwarts. Yer firs' years, as well?"

"Yes." Allyson and I said in unison.

"Well, don' wish ter be rude, but we best be off. Got lots ter buy." Hagrid said.

We nodded politely and he said, "Nice ter meet yeh, girls! Come now, Harry."

"Well, I guess we'll see you on the Hogwarts Express?" Allyson said to Harry.

Harry's thick eye brows furrowed. "Um…right. Goodbye!"

Harry and Hagrid exited the shop with a bag full of books.

Allyson stared after Harry. "Well, he was…nice."

"Yeah, and cute." I smirked at her.

"I didn't notice." Allyson said, with a shade of pink tinting her caramel cheeks. "Come on, we need to finish buying our books."

Ten minutes later, we were sitting with our mother at _Florean Fortescue's Ice Cream Parlour_, enjoying ice cold ice cream. I was licking a delicious chocolate chip cookie dough cone, while Allyson was scooping spoonfuls of Moose Tracks into her mouth.

_I didn't want to leave Diagon Alley that day. I was having such a good time, and seeing my sister's eyes gleam whenever someone said the word 'Hogwarts' made me so happy. _

_Yep. Hogwarts was just around the corner and I had a feeling it was going to be great._

_Stephanie_

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><p><strong><em>Haven't posted in a while, I know. Sorry! But I've had a lot of stuff going on! Now, the next chapter will be up as soon as I can! (it'll be a lot quicker this time) and it is going to be on the Hogwarts Express! =)<em>**

_**Review, please?**  
><em>


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